I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
