Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
