Texts From Last Night

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  (330): View more from Ohio

  so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.

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  (330): so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv. http://tfl.nu/d9vr
  Replies (62) Good night (2249) Bad night (652)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.

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  (303): dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party. http://tfl.nu/thh9
  Replies (9) Good night (2380) Bad night (797)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.

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  (414): I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay. http://tfl.nu/pwts
  Replies (214) Good night (12293) Bad night (3543)
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  (323): View more from California

  Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.

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  (323): Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision. http://tfl.nu/3mn1
  Replies (22) Good night (6784) Bad night (716)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy

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  (405): his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy http://tfl.nu/nh11
  Replies (12) Good night (3885) Bad night (960)
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  (650): View more from California

  Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question

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  (650): Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question http://tfl.nu/hu7s
  Replies (10) Good night (2793) Bad night (1183)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.

  (231): View more from Michigan

  i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.

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  (616): whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook. (231): i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment. http://tfl.nu/fvdt
  Replies (41) Good night (2118) Bad night (5545)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.

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  (330): All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold. http://tfl.nu/zmz2
  Replies (16) Good night (3641) Bad night (1359)
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  (562): View more from California

  I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.

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  (562): I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me. http://tfl.nu/m5b0
  Replies (1) Good night (658) Bad night (1061)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"

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  (484): Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret" http://tfl.nu/9brs
  Replies (20) Good night (5033) Bad night (800)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.

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  (423): I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years. http://tfl.nu/oqic
  Replies (5) Good night (2978) Bad night (572)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.

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  (573): I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs. http://tfl.nu/e7oe
  Replies (5) Good night (856) Bad night (464)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future

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  (+44): You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future http://tfl.nu/4nas
  Replies (1) Good night (567) Bad night (350)
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.

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  (316): Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in. http://tfl.nu/p4v5
  Replies (0) Good night (446) Bad night (287)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.

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  (314): My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis. http://tfl.nu/6np1
  Replies (5) Good night (335) Bad night (729)

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