Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(604): View more from British Columbia

I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.

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(604): I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary. http://tfl.nu/udpd

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.

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(570): If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid. http://tfl.nu/ujtp

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(864): View more from South Carolina

Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??

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(864): Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others?? http://tfl.nu/cnvm

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(804): View more from Virginia

And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively

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(804): And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively http://tfl.nu/2885

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(218): View more from Minnesota

The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?

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(218): The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it? http://tfl.nu/eoc0

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land

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(978): a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land http://tfl.nu/vapb

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(318): View more from Louisiana

As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.

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(318): As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right. http://tfl.nu/x0n7

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.

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(401): It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss. http://tfl.nu/0y0a

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"

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(832): You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you" http://tfl.nu/nnn7

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(571): View more from Virginia

Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.

(571): View more from Virginia

just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom

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(571): Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night. (571): just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom http://tfl.nu/0d08

Replies (4) Good night (2034) Bad night (525)
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(609): View more from New Jersey

Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule

(856): View more from New Jersey

Lmao sorry

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(609): Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule (856): Lmao sorry http://tfl.nu/mr80

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.

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(508): You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up. http://tfl.nu/f7oz

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(703): View more from Virginia

I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge

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(703): I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge http://tfl.nu/z423

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(417): View more from Missouri

All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.

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(417): All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door. http://tfl.nu/d7kd

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.

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(+44): He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window. http://tfl.nu/rmmm

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