Texts From Last Night

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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.

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  (215): At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware. http://tfl.nu/07cm
  Replies (33) Good night (3064) Bad night (888)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.

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  (202): I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me. http://tfl.nu/uo6c
  Replies (111) Good night (2631) Bad night (36426)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being

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  (440): You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being http://tfl.nu/lse1
  Replies (39) Good night (1825) Bad night (4058)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.

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  (614): woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever. http://tfl.nu/n8fb
  Replies (6) Good night (3263) Bad night (1084)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...

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  (250): Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls... http://tfl.nu/1wve
  Replies (30) Good night (5669) Bad night (1462)
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  (571): View more from Virginia

  Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar

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  (571): Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar http://tfl.nu/34wt
  Replies (6) Good night (4678) Bad night (1497)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.

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  (330): WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL. http://tfl.nu/0dj7
  Replies (12) Good night (5278) Bad night (996)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.

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  (614): Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce. http://tfl.nu/e1yj
  Replies (10) Good night (4266) Bad night (948)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch

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  (336): You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch http://tfl.nu/vf66
  Replies (3) Good night (2509) Bad night (768)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate

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  (306): So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate http://tfl.nu/7nyf
  Replies (7) Good night (770) Bad night (2299)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.

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  (423): I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick. http://tfl.nu/4wtf
  Replies (7) Good night (696) Bad night (1390)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie

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  (902): so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie http://tfl.nu/ou7w
  Replies (8) Good night (560) Bad night (1161)
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  (518): View more from New York

  I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are

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  (518): I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are http://tfl.nu/esmd
  Replies (0) Good night (657) Bad night (341)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory

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  (414): And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory http://tfl.nu/q3uf
  Replies (1) Good night (210) Bad night (253)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.

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  (570): I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this. http://tfl.nu/4rte
  Replies (3) Good night (371) Bad night (301)

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