So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.