He had one of those small greek statue penises
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
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No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
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I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good