the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
high people should be assigned attendants
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.