What did we do last night that was yellow?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
