Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
