Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
