I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
