I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize