Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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