I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
