Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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