my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
