for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
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