White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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