I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
