we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
