I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
