I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i came on her dog
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
