How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
