WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
