What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize
