Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
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Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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