i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
