Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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