i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
