it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
