he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
