She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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