i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
