Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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