he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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