Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize