my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize