Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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