I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
