I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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