i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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