She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
