YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
The air was thick with penises
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
