Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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