i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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