he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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