a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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