using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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