tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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