My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
