no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize