Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
