can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize