as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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