Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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