My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
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