i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
