I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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