Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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