We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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