Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
