I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
