Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
