If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
