I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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