she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
