just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
