Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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