All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
