I think scott just propositioned me for sex
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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